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Witty Dating Profiles: Getting People to Notice You

A lovely reader asked me to write about online dating profiles that are showstoppers.  What makes a showstopper?  Can everyone have one?

Back in the 80s, all you needed to be a showstopper were lasers.  Every kid I knew either had a laser background portrait or was pissed off at their parents for not letting them get a laser background portrait.

Alas, nowadays you need more than a laser backdrop to be impressive and cool.

Here are the two major ways to have a showstopper online dating profile:

Get Professional Photos

No matter how hot you are, you will look way better if you leave your photography in the hands of professionals. This goes double if all your photos are over a year old or taken by yourself using a cell phone, webcam, or with the timer function of your digital camera.

ProTip: Bring two changes of clothes for your shoot (a total of three outfits) to show different sides of your personality. Try one formal/business, one business casual, and one casual.

Show, Don’t Tell

Think back to a book that had a character you really liked (or hated, the key is a strong emotional reaction). What made you feel that way about that character?  It certainly wasn’t other characters saying “John is good, honest, and always puts his family first.“  It wasn’t people reading the police report that said, “Ms. Swanson was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.


It was “seeing” the ACTIONS of the characters that made you love or hate them.  It was choking up when your favorite character sold his grandfather’s pocket watch to buy food for his family.  It was the rage you felt at the killer’s total lack of empathy for the women and children he mowed down with his machine gun.

Obviously your profile won’t be that extreme.

But the difference between a showstopper online dating profile and one that’s just “meh” is in those details.

If you SHOW your reader what it’s like to be in your life, they’ll be much more compelled to contact you.

For example:

Meh: “I love to ski, snowboard, and even snowshoe.

Showstopper: “Nothing beats carving a path down a mountain, especially when the snow is crisp and fresh. I’m the guy with the Jayne hat – bright orange, of course.”

Make A Showstopper

Let’s put you to the test, my wonderful minions. I’ll give you ten “meh” statements that I’ve made up based on typical things one might mention in a dating profile. Pick one (or two!) and re-write it into a showstopper in the comments.

  1. In the summer, I love to grill every night if possible.
  2. My favorite TV shows often involve science or science fiction.
  3. I go to board game night every Thursday with friends.
  4. I’m learning how to rollerblade.
  5. I’m semi-addicted to Wii Fit.
  6. My parents and I are very close.
  7. I have my son on the weekends.
  8. Music is my passion.
  9. I’m renovating my house and loving it.
  10. I am an architect.

Have at it, geek friends! Don’t worry if someone took the one you wanted – there are plenty of different ways to “showstopper” the same idea!

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